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Jag måste erkänna något. Jag är smått stormförtjust i Kevin Bloody Wilsons låt "Christmas Song". Med risk för att anklagas för copyrightbrott såväl som dålig smak publicerar jag nu texten, som ska läsas med Australiensisk accent, här. Det finns en inledning också, som talas. Den finns tyvärr inte med på de siter som har sångtexter, men går ut på att när Kevin var liten, så var minsann julen inte så lätt. Man hade inte råd med julgodis, så alla fick sitta runt pappa och lukta på hans tunga när han sög på en peppermint. Och det enda glitter man hade i granen fick man dit genom att låta morfar komma in med sin rullstol och nysa. Och nu är det Kevin själv som har barn, och tjuvlyssnar när de öppnar sina paket... Sen är sången barnens konversation och klagan till tomten (dock sjungen av samme Kevin, med förställd röst):
Hey Santa claus you cunt!
Where's me fucking bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.
I wrote you a fucking letter and I come to see you twice
Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me fucking bike.
If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I would have bloody asked.
And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!
You've stuffed me bloody order up
It's enough to make you spew
And I'm not the only one who's snakey
Me sisters dirty too!
(female voice)
Hey santa clause you cunt!
Where's me fucking pram?
You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am.
'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand
I'll give you fucking ho ho ho
You forgot me fucking pram
(male voice)
Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts
And I'll let your fucking reindeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts!
You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store
And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door
And we'll say, yeah you wait for it
Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes
And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells fucking lies
He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright
'Cause the old fucking wanker Forgot me fucking bike.
You wait you old cunt, I'm gonna dob you in
Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your fucking lights out
Hey Santa claus you cunt!
Where's me fucking bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.
I wrote you a fucking letter and I come to see you twice
Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me fucking bike.
If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I would have bloody asked.
And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!
You've stuffed me bloody order up
It's enough to make you spew
And I'm not the only one who's snakey
Me sisters dirty too!
(female voice)
Hey santa clause you cunt!
Where's me fucking pram?
You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am.
'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand
I'll give you fucking ho ho ho
You forgot me fucking pram
(male voice)
Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts
And I'll let your fucking reindeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts!
You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store
And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door
And we'll say, yeah you wait for it
Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes
And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells fucking lies
He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright
'Cause the old fucking wanker Forgot me fucking bike.
You wait you old cunt, I'm gonna dob you in
Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your fucking lights out
